Sunday, June 10, 2007

Going Home

The upcoming trip to see my family is taking up most of my time. Non-existent time. End of trimester is always a tricky time for me. What is taking up most of my time is not the usual preparation. That's the easy part. One change of clothes, my favorite shoes, Barça t-shirts to give away. Mom's favorite bread sticks and assorted gift items for my sisters. No, that's not the problem.
The problem is the linguistic border that must be crossed in order to retain my dignity. Yes, being laughed at (not a blaring in your face haha. More of a snicker under the breath, but it's there. They love me too much to let out a big whooping laugh) is not one of my passions.
So words such as coche, conducir, coger(especially this one) must be put into a draw in my cluttered brain and I must drag out carro, manejar, agarrar. It's not that they don't understand the words, but they are just not used. This of course is just the tip of the linguistic iceberg. They here me, they somewhat understand me, but they know that their daughter/sister is not the same. She can't be. She's found new places to be displaced in. She's found new ways of being different.
I so envy my little sister. She doesn't question being Mexican, she does not question being American. She just is. Her big sister can't be either anymore.
Reading this, there may be tinge of regret mixed in with these words. There probably is. It doesn't bother me, got used to the constant flux of things in my life. Just going back to a universe where things have been the same for a long time and there's a bit of envy on my part. Just want my worlds to stop moving so I can enjoy them for a while.

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